My Reason for Leaving The NFS Modding Community

I was simply a person who basically rediscovered NFS on the Xbox 360. The 360 was pre owned and came pre-installed with games like Assassin’s Creed Ezio Trilogy, Batman: Arkham Asylum, and especially Need for Speed: Shift. I haven’t played any Need for Speed game in a long time, since the GBA port of Underground 1. Even though this wasn’t one of the good NFS games, I still got into NFS. I searched for anything about NFS, even on the NFS wiki. As I was interested in beta contect, I joined NFS Theories (not the old one) circa 2016 or 2017. During my time on NFST, I would initially make stupid theories like freeroam being a planned feature in the first Underground game. Of course, people like Blackweed would correct me. I even started some little commotion because of a simple question for a fanfiction of mine. At the time, there was an unauthorized Polish novel based on Most Wanted and Carbon simply titled “NFS Book” or that’s what the forum called it. Members ridiculed how out of touch the lore of those books were. Over time, my theories got better. I even made maps for the use of geographic theories. To be honest, they look like kid drawings to me now. Aside from theories/maps, I would make art there and again it was cringe. The first drama wasn’t anything significant but it was a member named Speedyheart making fun of another member’s English. That person was none other than GrandTheftAero. In 2017, GrandTheftAero published a video about cut content in NFS: UG2. That video is unlisted as of today. Apparently, Speedyheart made fun of his English skills as he was from the Netherlands. This upsetted GrandTheftAero to the point he made a comment on the video. He complained about Speedy’s toxic attitude. Well, Speedy was forced to apologize. However, Speedy wouldn’t change his toxic attitude as he would have quarrels with various individuals. But that's a topic for a later day. An incident worthy of mentioning is the fact how people liked to bash on certain members on a wiki made by various NFST members on Fandom. People would write about themselves or just make fun of members like Malik. One person would take issue with this. That person would go by Brian. Remember that name as it will be brought up later. Brian took issue with the wiki and how he was portrayed. Well, he wasn’t known to be dumb but he was young at the time. Like any young kid, he would try to attempt to take down the site. He successfully did and was made fun of on the NFST 2.0 forums. As time would progress, the forums got less active till there was hardly none. Everything had been theorized and discovered at this point. Everybody moved on with life. I no longer talk to these people except a few.

A South African man named Alex followed me on Need for Speed: Theories. I messaged him either on NFST or DeviantArt. And we became friends. I made the mistake of inviting him to my Facebook and Instagram. Those sites contain my nickname and last name. I also added him on Skype. We would talk about cars and video games. Alex would actually get into drama not related to the NFS community but the car community, especially on a site known as the Internet Game Car Database. It was mostly about correcting people’s opinions on fictional cars in video games. He also got into quarrels with children, especially with one Bulgarian kid named Danny. He also got me involved in real life drama with his school peers. He was struggling with high school as he was previously homeschooled and terminally online at the time. Apparently, Alex said some crap about a couple named Amorie and Dylan, two people who found Alex really creepy. He also got in trouble with a colored girl. Alex decided that it would be a good idea to rant it with me on Instagram DMs. I was motivated to harass the people that told Alex to act his age, but it had no effect. Apparently, Alex’s brother beat up Dylan. I also tried to get Alex to do the same to people from my high school, but he refused. Nowadays, I think that is pathetic on my part more than his. Early in college, he started to get into FurAffinity drama with a person named Elliot who basically blocked over annoying and potentially creepy messages from Alex over a character Elliot created.

Can I put my dick into your Vixen's pussy – Alex (a reconstruction of his words)

He would talk crap about Elliot on Discord. It would be either the fact that Elliot looks like a Discord moderator in real-life or that he can’t draw. Alex would act egotistically against Elliot. I made forum posts on DeviantArt praising Alex’s actions on Elliot, which now I think it’s cringe. He even made a video exposing Elliot, which got a dislike. Alex’s constant harassment towards Elliot got him banned for some time. It was actually a forum post on a sister site of FurAffinity mocking Elliot that got him banned. After that, Alex decided to disassociate himself with Elliot. I started to get sick of Alex’s crap and his unwillingness to talk about my topics (which mostly was real-life stuff that I now keep to myself). I decided to remove him as a friend initially on Facebook and Instagram. I secretly added his rant about Elliot to a cringe playlist. He actually saw this and comforted me about this. I gave him a bullshit reason. I think I told him at the time, I didn’t want to be friends with him. So we stopped talking and blocked each other. But he made an anti-2000Blizzard journal on his DeviantArt. So I decided to blow his lying ass on my DeviantArt with the help of some friend from Denmark. Alex gave up and apologized. He then talked about his personal problem, but it seemed like he wanted free therapy. So we stopped talking. In 2020 or 2021, I made a bunch of posts on Twitter calling Alex a retard and making fun of him. My friends at the time, which included Alp and Brian (who will also be discussed) encouraged this? I dunno. They were toxic too. Alex saw this and was traumatized. He apparently deleted his account on FurAffinity. Eyad told me I had hurt his friend Alex and I apologized. I took down the posts. Eyad seemed to be a good friend, but I will mention what he truly was in the Alp saga.

This person has so much drama, circa 2016 -2024, that to put it here would make the video an hour long. To sum it up, Brian was notorious for calling a YouTuber named Chip300rr a PDF file, harassment towards several individuals, mod theft, sexually harassing a girl in real-life, hacking a site, etc. IDK what else to say.

I really don’t know how I got to know Brian. I never knew his drama. I never knew him as MD, which GrandTheftAero told me. All I just remember is we were modding NFS games on a Discord group which was turned into Drama Simulator 2020. Brian was pretty manipulative and got people against somebody named DennisStanistan. After it was leaked that Brian was a clown, we abandoned him.

I met Alp on NFST in 2018. He was mostly tame until 2020; Alp used not to have any drama prior, until at one point. He started acting malicious to certain members in a modding project for Need for Speed: Carbon dubbed Carbon Final Edition, which is weird because he used to not be like that. Apparently, his parents were divorced. This was the same time I decided to stay away from Eyad and the community was distancing from Brian.

His friend Eyad also harassed me by trying to pry into my real life. He would try to help me after the whole Alex situation. I told him several times to leave me be and he would not understand no. I blocked him several times, but that wasn’t enough. I even got my friend Rs to talk to him to get him to stop. Unfortunately, Eyad has a brain the size of a peanut. The harassment drove me so mad that I literally lost it during an online exam. I decided to curse at him on Discord. He said my real name (well the nickname and the last name thanks to Alex) and he knew me, which he doesn’t. After making jokes about him being dead, he decided to cut ties with me. To Alp, he would secretly tell Bullshark (a good friend of mine) that I was as sensitive as a V8 engine. Apparently Bullshark was disgusted by Eyad and Alp’s actions. This wasn’t Alp’s only sign of madness.

He along with Brian doxxed NismoRacer00 in WhatsApp around October 9th, 2020. They managed to add NismoRacer in a WhatsApp group to make fun of him. Soon after, all phone numbers were shared afterwards by the two, Brian and Alp. Everyone heard about the news and Alp was banned from the NFSMods Official Discord Server. Shortly after, Brian and Alp DMed NismoRacer in an alt account with others that were involved in the situation. They apologized to Nismo. However, it was just smoke and mirrors. And I wasn’t even made aware of it as I made a new Discord account to get away from Eyad.

Other than acting malicious to others, Alp would have the most random conversations without any substance. If it wasn’t that, he would talk crap about anyone who he caused an issue with, whether it be Nismo, Brian, Buffalo, or any former associate of his. He would even talk crap about his mother. I never had much thought of his mods as I never downloaded such, but I did point out his flaws on one mod. It was an Imprezza from NfS:U and I complained that it was low poly. I wasn’t harsh though. But he seemed to not care much about it. I forgot to mention that he has an aversion to criticism. He even interpreted people pointing out issues in my CCX mod as trash talk.

Alp wasn’t just that. He also got mad at people who called him 1998 Dodge Neon, his old username. Alp accused them of deadnaming. He even posted a stupid meme about not to call people by their old names. Total horsecrap. He would even get offended at me for speaking Turkish. He also stole suicide letter and rape letters. For what , you may ask? To get games from his friends for him or just for copium. I really don’t know. He would even steal random women’s pictures to fake being trans.

Neon was basically the Jessica Yaniv of the NFS community as with Brian with Chris Chan. This is not the only thing he has done to me. Buffy leaked Alp and Eyad’s garbage behavior to their friends, including Rs. It was also leaked that Eyad had sexually harassed a minor. Rs told me that Alp is a lost cause. We abandoned the guy. Fun fact, this guy is still causing drama to this day.

I decided to befriend Alex again. He was less into drama, but I eventually caused drama with a community he was in, the TXR Discord server. Long story short. I banned Alex on Instagram, because I thought he wasn’t a good person. Then, I harassed his friend Hailegabriel on FurAffinity. At the time, I was pretty toxic and malicious. The reason why I harassed him was because of what Haile thought of me in 2019-2020. The message was trolling and making fun of him being from Florida. I also called him and his art degenerate. Alex got a wind of this and told me to go kill myself. I don’t know if he was lying, but he couldn’t sleep. Alex leaked this to the TXR community after I left. I got banned and dumped by Nismo and The TXR community. People in the TXR Discord server associated me with Eyad, who was later exposed for being toxic, despite not talking to him in like a year.

Approximately 6 months after the drama, I came to apologize about my actions 2 years ago to Alex and Nismo. I went to contact Alex on FurAffinity about how I changed from the situation. He told me that he understood, but he was facing a greater issue stemming from his expulsion from the TXR community. I told him that I sought therapy and I am now better. We settled our differences. So did Nismo. However, they weren’t a part of the TXR community anymore. It seems that Alex got banned from the TXR discord server for his political opinions. Because Nismo was associated with Alex, he too got kicked out. The greater TXR community seemed to not care or even respond to me. Nismo told me that it was because they thought I was associated with Alex. However, I wasn’t even associated with Alex anymore. Or that’s what I thought. I got into contact with Yiu recently and Yiu forgave me. We basically talked about how the NFS community was toxic. Nothing else.

I want to point out that I have lost interest in ever talking to Alex ever again. Like others in the TXR community said, Alex is a troubled kid who was terminally online for the most of his childhood. At least, I socialized with people. More in highschool than anything. All I can do is hope that he can grow on his own. And I’m not interested in talking to him on big tech platforms like Instagram.

After realizing the NFS community was a toxic hellhole, I decided to close and archive any accounts associated with that community. I closed my NSFT account on ProBoards as a first step. The site has been a brigade of drama and most of the friends I had back there were toxic. I really can’t bring myself to the site again. Then, I decided to archive anything on my NFSmods account. I tried to archive a lot of my mods using the Wayback machine, but it refused to work properly. I moved all my mods to my Mega drive. When I was sure that everything under my account was archived, I had my NFSMods account closed. RX was pretty understanding when it came to my situation even though another person didn’t agree.

The plan to quit modding was started about 2022. The sad thing was that I was still drawn to finish any project. I decided to cut the plug on a lot of projects. Due to real-life instances affecting my ability to grow as a person, I decided that it would be best to repurpose the remaining projects into 3D models for ArtStation. Originally, my Mega was going to a public repository, but I just decided that it would be best to have people I trust reupload my mods. It doesn’t have to be anyone I trust. Anyone can upload my mods. It’s just that certain people have access to my Mega drive. Now that my MEGA has been deleted, I host my projects to hone my programming skills (in languages like Python) for career reasons.

I also unfriended people as I had nothing in common anymore. It’s not because I’m just a prick. It’s because I genuinely don't have a connection with them or invested in the friendship to begin with. It’s just a part of me trying to grow as a person. I want to choose friendships that are worth investing in and not stay stuck in the digital world. Speaking of individuals, Alp and Brian decided to come back at the time of leaving the NFS modding community completely. To be honest, I had little involvement as it was just me criticizing them in a respectful manner and nothing else. Of course, I was targeted by Neon, Brian and Eyad because of being associated with Nismo and Bullshark, but I really don’t care. I have grown enough to not care. Life is much more important to focus on.

Everything is permissible for me, but not all things are beneficial. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be enslaved by anything [and brought under its power, allowing it to control me. - 1 Corinthians 6:12 (AMP)

If you wanna know why I had it deleted my account and everything archived, modding became a second job rather than a hobby. I no longer feel enjoyment as I used to. It has drained my creativity and made it an obligation. I can no longer express myself freely. Even my mental health has taken a hit. This doesn’t mean that modding will no longer be a thing to me: I will still mod, but just less than now. It won’t be big projects but mostly small fixes that won’t take much time. It will be just private. I will still collaborate with people, despite all of this. But I will add that I will do minor things.

I feel like NFS modding or 3D modeling in general has put a lot of stress on my mental health. The plethora of things such as creating LODs to making the mod fully customizable has made me grieve a lot. Implementing these features has been time consuming. At first, I wanted to finish my current projects. Then, I would work on little projects and be done with modding. But I feel like I don’t want to do it. I would rather spend time on creating art or making music as they take less time to make. I have been investing so much time into 3D modeling so much that my art has gotten worse. One guy on that aforementioned Discord server said that my art is trash. I think it has become trash ever since I made 3D models. I took a break from 3D models and drew pictures. The end result was that I felt more mentally stable than before.

I have over prioritized modding to the points where it started to hurt my academic life, my personal life and even my career. I started to fail in school because I would use modding as an escape. However, I was immersed in Blender for hours instead of 15 minutes. My internet addiction made it worse. I was suspended from school for poor grades. As for my personal life, I would neglect the time to go to church or hang out with friends. It’s always on Discord and so on. I kinda started to hangout with actual friends from high school and college. But when my project was demanding, I stopped hanging out much or just with one friend. I actually miss the days when I went to church on Sundays, even though the new pastor has made everything worse. I will not get into that.

As for a career, I never really did any project to help myself prepare for a real job. I never did virtual machines to help me show off to employers for an IT job. The sad thing is that I’m just a fry cook working for $13/hr in the South. They really are cheap in the South, but I’m a Yank from NY who’s trying to get a better job. I know really well that $13/hour can’t help me, especially in an economy like this. I want to get a job in the IT field, but modding has been a barrier for me. I find that making cars for a 2006 video game is ultimately meaningless in such a field. Everytime I work a shift at the restaurant I work at, I face people that want to overload me with chores. I have no problems with managers, but some regular workers expect me to do things that they can do. I am reminded of why Gen-Z doesn’t want to work in a job where you are replaceable. Because of my hatred for my current job, I lost interest in a lot of projects. With modding out of the way, I have been turning my LinkedIn into a portfolio with sessions on virtual machines, etc.

The NFS modding community has been toxic and I proved that. I even compare the toxicity to games like League of Legends. The difference is that in NFS (at least the modding side to it), people have a reputation which sets it apart from LoL individually. In LoL I think, reputation is generally for YouTubers and Twitch streamers if we are talking about community. In NFS, it's less of a YouTube thing and much more of a mod thing or should I say on an individual basis. When you release a mod to NFSMods, you unknowingly be a part of the community. As for LoL, toxicity can be most of a player thing. NFS Modding is a community thing connected to individuals of the said community. The NFS fandom is no different. It’s just full of retards who want customization and not a good story or gameplay. The modding community is full of elitists in circle jerks or retards who can’t take criticism.

The toxicity also leaked into my personal life. I always acted like the world owed me something. I was humble or pretended to be humble, but in reality I was a pathetic being that never contributed to a group. I was unlikable because I would just talk to peers and never seemed focused on the group’s problems. It was more of a me thing than them. I never gave back anything to them. In return, they basically told me to never come back. As time progresses, I reflect on myself and the dramas that happen with me. I came to the conclusion that I am a 15 year-old inside the body of a 24 year-old. After a year of this happening, I decided to do something about it and I found the culprit. The culprit was my childish personality induced by this community. And I am never joining the modding community ever again, at least fully.

I am sorry but I am just being honest. I like to thank those that are supportive of my decisions. And thanks to the others that did not. It's been Blitz. Have a nice one.